Isn’t it Ironic?   Leave a comment

1. a figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of that expressed by the words used.
2. a condition of affairs of events of a character opposite to what was, or might naturally be, expected – Oxford English Dictionary

Don’t you think?” – Alanis Morissette

Long before I got married, I started a ‘someday’ list of things I wanted to do with someone I loved. Keep in mind at the time I didn’t think I would ever meet anyone who wanted to marry me – self-esteem never being something I had a great deal of when I was younger – so a lot of the things on the list were ‘pie in the sky’ so to speak. Then I did find someone, and suddenly my list didn’t seem so crazy anymore – traveling to London, buying a house and fixing it up to make a home, starting a family, and taking dancing lessons among other things. Suddenly my list seemed not only possible but probable.

As time passed, things got added to the list. Driving around the country in a small RV was put on, as was visiting Italy, Ireland, and Hawaii (travel seemed to be a theme). Aside from the buying a house and starting a family, though, there never seemed to be enough money or time for the other things on my list. My ex-husband’s job required him to work long hours with limited vacation time, so finding the time to do things was a challenge, and while the money from our salaries paid for food, clothing, child care, car payments, and the mortgage, it didn’t leave a lot left over for extras.

We did manage to get some things done around the house – getting rid of the terrible wallpaper downstairs and painting the walls in colors we wanted, new windows when our old ones were found to be covered in lead paint (thanks Massachusetts for having interest-free lead removal loans!), renovating the kitchen with money from an inheritance – but some things we never quite got to and simply lived with. Like painting our bedroom or the guest room. There were always other things to do with the time and funds needed for these projects.

Since the divorce, though, I’ve noticed something about my list. It’s gotten smaller. It’s not that I’ve reduced what’s on it because, truthfully, it’s gotten bigger. The really weird part is I’m actually crossing things off it.

The first thing I did after the house became mine – read: mine, not ours – was to repaint the entire inside with colors I chose (except the kitchen as I had chosen those colors, anyway). The downstairs went from off-white walls with colored trim to colored walls with white trim. The guest room had its two layers of really old and seriously unattractive wallpaper removed and the walls painted a lovely golden color, and my bedroom became a sunshiny yellow with lovely nature photos on the walls. I’ve had the entire house insulated and the hot water heater replaced, the top three feet of my chimney rebuilt (or will be soon. Note:  this wasn’t ever on any list, btw), and the outside was just painted a bright, royal blue. While my house has been my home for the last twenty plus years, it is now finally becoming the home I wanted.

The dancing lessons (on hold for the moment due to scheduling) started last year. I’ve done waltz and foxtrot and swing and cha cha, and I love it. Even if I don’t have a partner. Which kind of blows my mind. It’s fun, it makes me feel good. Despite being a klutzy teenager who tripped over tied shoelaces and blades of grass still attached to their roots, it turns out I am far more graceful than I ever suspected I would be. Who knew?

The trip to London happens this summer. The best part is I am not going alone; just as I wanted, I am going with people I love – my son and my best friend. We have been planning out where we want to go – Stratford-upon-Avon, the Lakes District, Oxford – and what we want to do and see while we are there – The Tower of London and (if we’re extremely lucky) the new Harry Potter play – and are really, really excited about the whole thing. Can you tell? I can.

And there’s where the irony comes into play.

I have been so focused on not being part of a couple, I hadn’t noticed I have been steadily working my way through my list. With someone I love. Just not the person I thought it would be. My house is closer than I ever thought it would be to being what I wanted when I bought it. The first time. The trips I wanted to take are starting to happen. The dancing lessons I wistfully looked at in the local community college catalog have started. Is it all happening the way I envisioned? No. But it‘s happening. And it lets me know my life didn’t end when my world got turned upside down. Which is comforting.

Now, will the RV tour of the country happen? Someday. But not until after my son gets his license, and I feel comfortable with him driving long distances in strange places. As interesting as the whole thing seems, I don’t want to be the only one behind the wheel. It would make me crazy. The trip to Boston Comic Con has been booked – again with my son – so I can cross that off my list, as well. Someday I even hope to attend the International one in San Diego (provided I can keep my claustrophobic tendencies under control). For now, I’ll keep that in the maybe column. But Hawaii? That one is on tap for when my son graduates. I’m not sure if it will be high school graduation or college, but I know we’re going to make it there. Because it’s on my list. And it will be wonderful.

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Posted May 23, 2016 by wordsaremylife in random thoughts

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